The Power Of The Mind

Clearly the biggest thing in my life recently has been the psychosis and recovering from it. Now in hindsight I am able to laugh about it all. Really all you can do in situations is laugh or cry and I prefer to smile and laugh so much more. I just went to my first meditation lesson with mum and was giggling inside the whole time. Everything the woman was talking about is where my mind has been lately. Being aware of the states of mind and getting in touch with them all. Shit I did that. Out of body experiences, check. Tapping into your higher being, check. Calming oneself with positive thought, check. Really the only reason I agreed to go to the class was cos my ma wanted to do it and she wanted me to do it with her. Anyway I thought I would just do a bit of an overshare of some of the other things that went on whilst I had lost my mind. I’m really not a shy person. Ask me anything

So I’ve been M.I.A for the last few weeks. Went away to Rainbow Serpent didn’t do anything I hadn’t done before but ended up in psychosis anyway. (weed/acid) I remember leaving Rainbow and ending up at a mates house and apparantly had a few lines of K. I remember that but I’ve heard I ate the bag. Doesn’t sound like me at all. That is something new. I have avoided snorting anything since I was a teenager watching Studio 54 at the cinemas and thought it would be funny to snort some Wizz Fizz. Yep the fizzy lolly shit. Clearly I had lost my mind. I remeber sitting in cars on Australia Day listening to the hottest 100 and then I am blank for about 3 days. Kristy informs me she had to dress me and everything. From then on it’s a bit sketchy up untill around last weekend but really monday was when I started to come good again. (At Rainbow I got scared that I was Britney Spears, actually checked my ID to make sure I was still just Nat.)

Anyway with the support of some awesome mates and amazing parental units and in particular my main girl Kristy I’ve come good. So as a thankyou I took Kristy shopping yesterday and bought her some smexy new underwear with the last of my bras ‘n things voucher. Then took her out for dinner at Soul Mama’s in St.Kilda. I love that restaurant, amazing vegan food, friendly service and it’s right on the beach. Early valentines day date for my bestie. We also got to check out the beautiful sunset.

I had made the decision to quit smoking weed after Rainbow before I went so did the whole withdrawl and psychosis thing at the same time. The places that the mind goes. Wow! I am just glad that I am back to me again. It’s kinda like I am how I was at 20 again. Alcohol and ciggs are alright by me. Yep I’m back on the fags for the moment. I’ll quit them again but right now they are my security blanket. I’m not ready to let them go completely yet. I tried last night by spending the last of my cashish on some friendship bands from a chick on the streets of St.Kilda only to come home and get some monies of the mum bank for my nicotine habbit.

So I’m going to do the preachy thing now and just put it out there that you may think this shit is never going to happen to you but you never know. One day things might just snap. As shit as the situation was I’m kinda glad it happened cos I thought I was a strong honest person and this has just made me really prove to myself that I am everything I claim to be. If you are questioning yourself and having doubts then you are probably doing something wrong. Your gut is usually right, well I know mine is. I’m just not ignoring it anymore, and staying away from the drugs should help with that ha ha. I’m glad I’m a positive person cos otherwise I reckon this shit would of just done me in.

The last few times I have ventured into the city and done a wander around I got to say I love it! Usually I only end up in there when I am off to a gig/exhibition/show etc, never to just hang out and check whats going down in my home town. Going back 10 years, wagging school and jumping on a train into the city was just how you rolled. I knew things a lot better back then. Now I don’t know where anything is except the places I frequent.

Last night before heading to see Girl Talk (read about that here) Prem and I hung out in Fad Gallery while we waited for Tess. I have been to Eurotrash next door a few times but had never really noticed the Fad. I’m so glad to be introduced to it now. I loved the random furniture pieces and the art covering the walls. I enjoyed the casualness of the place, the owner/staff hanging out with mates. It made me think of ‘Cheers’.

It was also fantastic to be able to catch up and be able to hear. It makes conversations so much easier when you don’t have to yell “What?” constantly. We were there pretty early on a wednesday night so I wouldn’t mind checking out what it’s like on a friday or saturday.

Going here and seeing somewhere new made me want to find new places to check out and visit. So I think a good goal for 2010 is to do exactly that. I’m not travelling anytime soon, but there is no reason why I can’t play tourist. If you know of any places that are worth a looksee let me know. I can try to get to know Melbourne a bit better.